Blog

Wow. Just wow. I’m happy for today’s effort. I’m happy the Americans came to play on Sunday and almost got the victory. Almost is not good enough. Keegan, good Sunday but your captaincy is done. Americans have every right to be disappointed, but you won’t go down as the worst captain of all time (I was calling for ZJ back yesterday but now I take it back. Good on you.)

Let’s look forward to 2027 now.

Captain picks:

I’d be comfortable with three choices for 2027.

• Phil Mickelson: I don’t care about the Ryder cup, I don’t care he’d probably take one too many LIV guys (welcome Patrick Reed to the team if he’s captain, which arguably would have been better than Harris.) I think he’d bring buzz, would love the hate the Ryder cup would bring in Europe, and altogether he’d be strong in the role.
• Jordan Spieth: hear me out….. he’s probably not qualifying for 2027. He’s young, and would make the right picks. Let’s get risky.
• Tiger Woods: This is the obvious answer. No more text makes this stronger or weaker.

Other takeaways:

• JT is a captain as soon as he falls out of the top 50 world golf rankings.
• We didn’t have the guys to win this cup. Europe is stacked, we need to develop 4 golfers to win in Europe. That’s all we need, 4.
• Bethpage Black: you can take the sign down now. I get it, if I went out there I’d shoot a million, but no ball rolled out once all week, it didn’t even feel like American golf.

Hello.

Lon is fresh off his 9th wedding. A Sunday wedding in which I missed the lions game. So I’ll admit I’m feeling sassy.

A good friend of mine, JDM once told me that every team has its thorn (did he steal that from the song everrryyyyy roseeee has its thorn) potentially. However, I need Michigan fans to wake up.

Look at this tweet.

I guess the point of this blog, there’s something weird with Michigan folks and their QB. It’s not all of you, but this is more sus than telling players they have aura.

-Love you,

Lon

Today is a sad day in the soccer world. Today, one of the greats announced his retirement. 

You see, in the modern age of sports, broadcasting plays a crucial role in satisfying the cravings we have as sports fans, when consuming through a stream/broadcast.  In the booth, on the call, the commentators are responsible for delivering color and excitement for the viewers at home. In those roles, there are soccer commentators, and then there was Ray Hudson. Ray is stepping away from the booth after 23 years. Ray brought a whole new feel to the booth through his flavorful adjectives, quotes and sounds. While most broadcasters describe the play on the field and the goals, Ray felt them. His calls were explosive metaphors, insane analogies and passionate grunts and orgasms. A couple samples from the past, of his most famous quotes, read as; “You could drop a tarantula in his pants and he’d still be cool”, when describing Messi, or “It’s orgasmic! It’s magisterial! It’s like a monkey playing a trombone with a sombrero on!”, while jizzing his pants over a Cristiano Ronaldo goal. He didn’t just comment on the game, he blew loads. 

Ray, or Mr. Cum as I like to call him, brought me joy on every call he was on, and I know I am not alone in that feeling. In every game he was apart of, you prayed for a banger to be scored or a beautiful build up from the attack. You longed for an amazing save to be made to help him squeal like a pig. The longer the build up, the better the goal or save, the better the nut. He would get so worked up, that I truly believe he was shooting his testicles through his urethra. I have never seen or heard anyone like him. 

It is a sad day that we are losing him. Long live Mr. Cum. Long live SpRay Hudson. May your next climax be sensational and your next rope be long. Cheers to Ray, our sweet prince.

Hello FryeGayz Fantasy league. I’m very happy to be here and to give a prediction of our year, as our season starts tomorrow.

Recap from 2024:

– We had a new champion last year, Stiffy Jenkins. He won on a walk off win, when Cum Here Raelynn and Shake it had a 99% chance to win. He needed 5 points in the last game. He did not get them. It’s tough to come back after a year like that, but he did, and he’s ready.

– Rae Lynn’s Soggy Subway missed the playoffs last year, which hurt him more than we would all imagine. He was down for the count, hurt, and is trying to make horrid trades again. (Guy is a total shitter.)

Kupp Check and Austin’s team, had a tough season.

The rest of it, was kinda chill.

Storylines for this year:

• Cum here Raelynn and Shake It has taken second twice. The league is rooting against him, and his team, per the score predictions (which his team is all rookies so could be wrong) looks to be complete ass cheeks. There is potential for an undefeated season, as well as a defeated season.
• Rae Lynn’s Soggy Subway is looking to crack the playoffs again, going for his second title.
• Bezchrist is looking to make some moves. Constant pressure coming from Bez, but no results to show. Is this his year?
• NEW NAME ALERT!!! OG OLYMPIAN GAINZ IS HERE. We have a new name. Normally, with new names comes a shakeup in the front office, which came with an auto draft. New name, new beast.
• Stiffy Jenkins, defending champ. Nothing best for Stiffy Shitter. He’s got the belt, but is going to be fleeced by someone like he gets fleeced every year. Wait for the trades to come through and be ready to laugh at the little guy, nothing but respect tho.
• Koo Can Kick, respectable gentleman. Team looks good. We will see. There is really no hate towards Koo.
• Austin’s team. I love you Austin, but your team has been shitters the past two years. Let’s see if he can get it going this year.
• NEW NAME ALERT: They/Them. WOW. This is bigger news as this owner has been playing well. We will see if the new names get going here as well.
• Kupp Check – we will see.
• Big Mac and Large Coker is an absolute sleeping GIANT this year.

Prediction for the year:

• Playoff teams this year:
• OG
• They/Them
• Raelynn soggy subs
• Big Mac
• Koo can

Winner: Big Mac with a shocker.

Hello my friends. This is blog 1 of Lon’s preview for fantasy football.

Week 1:

We got an absolute cake walk for WK1. I’d like to introduce you to my opponent. Zupa, who also goes by “little guy.” He’s a smaller fella, tiny, not very big at all. His fantasy football history is tough for me to gloat on. I was beat by Zupa in the championship last year (CCM, I kept him outta the playoffs lol what a bum.) So Zupa has some street credit. He’s the champ.

What he doesn’t have going for him, his team is absolute cheeks.

QB Match up:

Lon – Drake Maye

Zupa – Patrick Mahomes.

Who has more potential? Drake is going to go HAM. Patrick, he’s got no one to throw to.

Running Backs:

Lon – Jeanty & Hampton

Zupa – Bijan & Bucky

First off, Bijan is complete cheeks and Bucky is going to get his left leg blown to shreds by Jalon Walker. I am not worried (I’m fucking terrified but I’m not telling Zupa that.)

WR:

Lon – Nabers & Higgins

Zupa – AJ Brown & Scary Terry

AJ (shitter) and Terry (rich shitter) will be crucified by Zaddy Nabers.

Flex:

Lon – Henderson & Egbuka

Zupa – Tony Pollard & McMillan.

Tony fucking Pollard is an absolute shitter😂. Big Zupa thinks it’s 2022.

In conclusion, Lon wins a tight one here. If Lon wins….. he knows ball.

Hello all, Lon here.

MSU Football is back, so naturally I am thinking about Connor McDavid becoming a Detroit Red Wing.

Connor McDavid just said he is taking his time, wants to talk to his family, and all I can think about is, this dude just got a realtor real quick in Grosse Point. In my brain (Lon’s brain is a wild place) I think there is only one location that makes sense for our boy McDavid. Its the Detroit Red Wings. Below, I am going to sell Detroit to him, and why he should join.

Actual Reason to come here:

Buddy, we got youth, here. We have goalie prospects. McDavid goes C1, Larks C2, Kasper C3. I can stop there we just won the Stanley Cup.

Lon’s Reasoning for him to come here (this is me selling to McDavid, who is obviously reading this.):

LCA Rocks, Labatts are flowing. It isn’t Canada, but gives ya a taste of it. Connor, you’ll feel right back in Ontario without the taxes. Not a bad first pitch here.

You’d be a God. Idk what else to say here I felt like smacking myself that was so Sus but if the Wings won another cup he’d actually be a God.

#2 in fan attendance in 2024. I can’t imagine what the playoff crowd would look like (Zupa please relax by saying we don’t make the playoffs I understand.)

Lon would give you his entire net worth. Okay, this one sucks for me but you can have it. I’d just ask a little bit of mercy here, but its at least offered.

Now on to Lon’s MSU 2025 season lookahead.

WMU: Win, probs blow these dudes (pause) by 50 points. Bet on a burger here folks.

Boston College: Easy win

Youngstown State: Win (these guys are shitters.)

USC: Win? I know nothing about this team.

Nebraska: Win

UCLA: Dub lol

Indiana: Win

Michigan: Win (shitters)

Minnesota: PJ Fleck has Aura

Penn State: Win (Shitters.)

Iowa: Loss, elite.

Maryland: Win (Shitters.)

Thanks and have a good labor day,

_Lon Jeske

Today we are going to play Hetero or Sus.


I log on to twitter and I see posts like the one above, and I can’t stop cringing. Lets break it down and see if its hetero or sus.



The Breakdown: This account is already sus. Its name farming off the NYT, and the amount of posting shows a desire to be a journalist for them. In their mind, he is one step closer to reporting at the Super Bowl with every Post.

Sadly though, he has fallen into the trap of claiming Aura for other men. You see, Twitter has gotten to the point of men, calling other men sexy, but instead of actually calling them sexy, they replace it with Aura. This falls into the trap of Sus.

This man looked at a picture of other grown men and decided to dedicate 4 min of his life to post about how sexy they are.


I don’t care how much you love the Lions (I love them too,) that is not fandom, its cock riding and sus.

Thank you for reading,

-Lon

To start, I still believe in Stevie. But it’s wearing thin. His presser started by immediately defending himself, which granted, Lon would do the same.

After this, he got into the trade deadline. He brought up “Montreal and St. Louis didn’t make moves either.” Well Stevie, you aren’t wrong, but it doesn’t really help us all that much. We didn’t make a move, we also didn’t sacrifice future for a mistake to go for it now. I respect it. I get why others don’t, but I get it.

The Larkin thing, not sure why we are going this route, but it didn’t sounds fantastic. Let’s leave it there.

The “will you spend a shit ton of money in free agency mention” and Stevie saying yes, we are 100% spending money. I genuinely, after hearing that, think Stevie is going to go after Marner. I think we have a fantastic shot at it. Also, Stevie has to make that move. Or at least try.

Outside of that. A splash is coming

Let’s pray it’s gavrikov and Marner

I am not an avid fisherman. My brother is. When I go fishing with my brother, I am quite honestly ass at it. However, I love crushing foamers. I sit in the boat, cast, sip, cast, sip, cast, sip, nibble, pull, damn nothing on the hook. Ill look at my brother and he is ripping lips from fish, but when he is at his happiest, its a big fish, a different kind of fish, a new trophy.

What if you were to go fish, and catch the same fish every time? You show up, cast, oh wow a little sunfish. Cast, another fish. Would it lose its appeal?

Now Lon, why are you writing this blog. Well, you out there know exactly why. I am seeing fishing where folks in the burnerverse are getting the satisfaction of hooking the same fish. Throw a worm out there, you are going to get the same fish every time.

I am calling for a mix up in the fishing. I believe we should go for big fish. Currently, Montreal Canadiens fans. They are nervous for the Winged Wheel to come in and take their little playoff dreams away. We fish there. We bait the hook, we cast, we sip, we reel them in, and we cherish the new fish together.

How about the Yankees when Skubal throws 15 strikeouts on a Tuesday in the 35 degree weather (build the dome.,)

What we can’t do in this burnerverse, is continue to fish in the same pond with the same bait, catching the same fish. That will bite every time. Self admittedly, this fish (who will not be named) is brainwashed. He has to bite.

Hope this makes sense, LGRW,
-Lon

I have a good friend that I love. We normally agree on just about everything and he has a niche where he doesn’t like things that get a lot of publicity. An example is the Masters. I do not agree with his takes on this one, but I do genuinely understand his take. The Masters are sick, properly announce spring to the world, and is always a great watch. However every account on twitter sucks it off. “Oh wow listen to the perfect amount of bird noise.” “Masters is close, let’s relive Tigers 2019 Masters win. Did you notice he is wearing red?”

I get what he’s saying, people go over the top to suck it off, it’s weird. You can enjoy the masters and not make it your personality.

Recently, this friend has taken his efforts to harm the show Severance. I disagree with his take.

The Show Itself: A cool idea, good acting, and the characters were easy to like/hate. It was just weird enough to not be cringe. It was just normal enough to not be boring. A great show.

The People Online: Some good tweets, other strange tweets about the show and mildly obsessive.

Where I disagree with this person: When Game of Thrones ended, it was huge. Every account tweeted about it. The ending was awful, but people made it their entire personality. My college roomies and I watched each episode and watched together. It was awesome. It’s okay for a show to be awesome. Severance is awesome, it’s the first show to make a character turn into two, and gave them compete for the prioritization of the main character. Kinda sick, if you think about it.

Lon’s TV Series Suggestions:

ZeroZeroZero. – Amazon Prime

Holy smokes this show is top of my list. You will start the first episode and when it’s over ask yourself, how did that just happen. The show will keep you on the end of your seat. If you are looking for shows, it’s top of my recommendations.

3 Body Problem – Netflix

Show is kinda a mindfuck. For those of you out there that like deep shows that don’t really make sense, give it a whirl it’s pretty strong.

From – Amazon Prime

This show will work your brain. This is probably a top 5 show for me. If you like scary stuff (or not tbh) you should put this in your list.

Reacher – Amazon Prime

Show is kinda sus. I get the dude is huge but let’s just run the football and get him to beat some folks up. Good show tho, cheesy warning tho.