Author: LockLord

Today is a sad day in the soccer world. Today, one of the greats announced his retirement. 

You see, in the modern age of sports, broadcasting plays a crucial role in satisfying the cravings we have as sports fans, when consuming through a stream/broadcast.  In the booth, on the call, the commentators are responsible for delivering color and excitement for the viewers at home. In those roles, there are soccer commentators, and then there was Ray Hudson. Ray is stepping away from the booth after 23 years. Ray brought a whole new feel to the booth through his flavorful adjectives, quotes and sounds. While most broadcasters describe the play on the field and the goals, Ray felt them. His calls were explosive metaphors, insane analogies and passionate grunts and orgasms. A couple samples from the past, of his most famous quotes, read as; “You could drop a tarantula in his pants and he’d still be cool”, when describing Messi, or “It’s orgasmic! It’s magisterial! It’s like a monkey playing a trombone with a sombrero on!”, while jizzing his pants over a Cristiano Ronaldo goal. He didn’t just comment on the game, he blew loads. 

Ray, or Mr. Cum as I like to call him, brought me joy on every call he was on, and I know I am not alone in that feeling. In every game he was apart of, you prayed for a banger to be scored or a beautiful build up from the attack. You longed for an amazing save to be made to help him squeal like a pig. The longer the build up, the better the goal or save, the better the nut. He would get so worked up, that I truly believe he was shooting his testicles through his urethra. I have never seen or heard anyone like him. 

It is a sad day that we are losing him. Long live Mr. Cum. Long live SpRay Hudson. May your next climax be sensational and your next rope be long. Cheers to Ray, our sweet prince.

We are cooked. This team has no juice left. For years, this core group of players has been hyped up to no end, while achieving little. Falling short in major tournaments (2022 World Cup and 2024 Copa America) is one thing, but playing in front of empty stadiums in your home country has to be the most deflating shit ever.

This Concacaf Nations League provided an opportunity for a fresh start, for a confidence boost, and we proceeded to come out uninspired, confused and cowardly.

Key takeaways; Chris Richards is pure ass. The man looks like he is running in syrup, while simultaneously having brain lapses. Tim Ream gets the ball on his feet and stands there for 7 minutes while looking for a pass, allowing the opposition to completely reshape their defense. *Swing the ball quickly*. Tessman was a ghost. Tyler Adams playing as an 8 makes no sense. We don’t have a striker.

If Tim Weah didn’t play today, I think Pochettino could have been fired on the spot. The only positive from today was Weah. The only thing Pochettino got right today, was letting Weah fly up and down the channel with plenty of space to cook. What Poch got completely wrong was configuring Pulisic into the system.

Pulisic is currently in the midst of the best season in his career, playing out on the wing for Milan. He thrives in isolated situations. It’s obvious. Anyone with functioning eyeballs could understand this. Poch proceeded to squeeze him in between the 9 and high pressing fullbacks, leaving him no room to operate or create. Pulisic was completely lost. It was obvious 15 minutes into the match. Going into halftime it was going so bad that any rational person was thinking that surely Poch would adjust. He proceeded to run the same exact setup until the 85th minute. All second half, Musah was the fullback on Pulisic’s side, always wide of him, always squeezing him inside with no space. It was hard to get the ball to the best player on the team. Poch really saw Pulisic cooking all season at wing and said “imma not do that”.

Outside of that dumbass shit, these players aren’t what we say they are. At least from a national team perspective, or maybe as a collective group. Can’t quite put my finger on it. What I do know tho, is that we’re cooked for 2026. We will embarrass ourselves at home, not that any Americans will care. The lack of fan care speaks slightly to the burnout of this group I imagine. We have no current hope. No players in the shadows to come save us. No manager that can solve our problems.

I shall shift my hope to 2030.